FRIEND!

WELCOME HOME!

WELCOME TO I <3 REVOLUTION!

What is “I <3 REVOLUTION?” you ask. “You already know.” I answer.

But just to be clear: I <3 REVOLUTION is a movement towards bringing a new, simpler regime to this utterly confusing world. We seek to un-clutter your psyche and bring you to your full potential. Because you are NOT living up to your potential. It pains me to see you like this.

Though we are famous in ALL revolutionary circles around the world (Sean Penn is a good, personal friend), we have yet to conquer New York City. Also- we don’t want to mention them by name, but some friends of ours tried to stage revolution in NYC (rhymes with mock-u-my) but they just stole our ideas! And then got all this press! And it’s like, ANYONE can be in a drumming circle! And ALSO it’s so ANNOYING how you keep stealing our ideas (in general). And we will be seeking legal remedy (you are now warned). And THAT is why, for your benefit alone, we are bringing our organization to The New York International Fringe Festival. THERE IS NO RISK OF PHYSICAL VIOLENCE TO YOU OR YOUR FAMILY.

We believe that globalization is too confusing, local-ism too provincial, and that jeggings are just too tight. We believe in creating a new egalitarian hierarchy after the coup. We believe WE ARE THE LEADERS FOR A BRIGHTER TOMORROW. WE BELIEVE YOU’VE HAD THE WOOL PULLED OVER YOUR EYES. Isn’t it itchy? Don’t you want to scratch your own eyes out in protest? THEN JOIN US! SCRATCH AT THE WOOL OF THE MAN THAT IS IN YOUR EYES!

SO JOIN US. Here, now, on this very interweb portal! READ OUR MIND BECAUSE IT IS ACTUALLY YOUR OWN.